Just a Bit of Affection
by lalalacanthearyou
Summary: America talks about how England makes him feel and gives an insight into his thoughts. One-sided USUK.


**Just a small fic about America/England...**

**A/N: Well first time writing Hetalia (closet hetalia freak). Feeling a bit down so i somehow made this, not the greatest thing ever but hey I tried, ok fine, sorry if it's horrible. Really I'm sorry. And no, I refuse to claim Hetalia isn't mine!... Fine. It'snotmine...

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**Why does everyone hates me? You know, when I actually word my thoughts like this, it makes me sound pretty pathetic. That's what I am though, at least that's what I feel like I am. I'm just a pathetic little boy craving everyone's attention. No, not everyone's attention, just yours. How I crave just to hear you say something to me that's not an insult, not a put-down. If I could just hear you say "hello", without "git" right next to it, or something as bad. But if you just said "hello", I might crave for more and ask to hear something else, something more… but I don't want to be let down again.

Do you remember the revolution? Yes you were, in a way, oppressing my people, you were taxing us like crazy and god knows what else. I had to stand for my people, you understand right? Wait, no, that's a lie. I just used my people's pain so that I'd had a chance to break away, a chance for you to see me not as a little brother, not as a son, to see me as a man, that one day could be yours. It didn't work though, oh god it didn't work. You must hate me, I know you do. Or am I just saying that because it's better to think that you've lost already so that my hopes would never have a chance to get shot down. I can hear it already though, your rejection, just thinking about it stings my eyes—my vision is getting blurry, I wonder why…?

Am I selfish? Asking that you'd show just a little affection for me? I know it must be way too much to ask, considering what I've done to you, but I just wanted you to notice me, to care. Now that I think about it, did it even affect you that I left? If anything, you probably hate me for bruising your damn pride. I mean, how did it look that the mighty nation of Great Britain lost to his measly colony? After I left, sure you probably threw a tantrum for the first few days, but after? Nothing. It was like I came and left, and it barely even affected you. How are you supposed to see me as a man if you don't even care? My chest hurts for some odd reason, maybe the liquor hit the wrong spot.

Sometimes, I just find myself staring at you when you're not looking. In the meetings when your head is turned slightly away from me, giving the speaker your full attention, I can't help but give you my full attention. I stare at your lemon colored hair and think about how it'd feel just to run my hand through it once. My eyes often trail down to your eyes, your eyes with two adorable caterpillars guarding gorgeous emerald orbs. Your pink lips, chapped but still so soft. I think of how it'd feel to just touch them. It makes me feel terrible though, when you catch my gaze and you would harshly whisper "pay attention, git" or "get along, idiot". Of course, I just feign a bright smile and completely come across as ignorant. But it hurts, you have no idea how much it hurts.

Is it wrong for me to ask for your affection? Sometimes, when I talk to you, I try to ask for a favor. On the days when you feel like putting up with me, you give me an exasperated sigh and mumble something like "what?" At those times, my mind whispers "a kiss…" or pleads for some other sign of affection, but then I catch myself and say something completely stupid in which you sigh, call me an idiot, then walk away. I'm really pathetic aren't I?

How many countless daydreams have I had, just wishing for some affection? It'll never happen though, I know it won't. I know how you feel, I know that you must detest me, and even if your dislike for me isn't at that point, you must find me annoying, someone you just put up with for the sake of foreign policy. That's what I am to you though. I'm just another nation, just another person to deal with. No, in my case I would be someone you just put up with. It's fine though, because I'll grin and bear it.

I don't know if you've noticed but the reason I act like such an idiot is to gain your attention. Even though it hurts, I'll bear with your words, just because if you don't lecture me, I fear that you won't have another reason to talk to me. If there's one thing that hurts more than your insults, it's not to hear you at all. Even then it's not as bad when I don't see you. Sometimes just a glimpse of you is enough.

So yes, I am an idiot, I am a git. I'm completely, utterly, pathetic, even to the point that I am despicable. It's your fault though, if anything it's your fault. Why? Because, I'm just an idiot who's in love, pathetically in love. One day, though maybe, we'll have a decent conversation. One day maybe you'll stop calling me "America" or "The United States" and you'll whisper my name like you used to. One day, maybe I'll finally get to stop calling you England, and speak your real name. Until then, just allow me to be a little pathetic. I've got a long life to live, I might forget you, but for now I'll just enjoy myself and bather myself in this feeling. Love, how can something so joyous and great, turn into something so terribly painful and sorrowful?

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**Well, now that you sat through that, here is a cookie! Thanks for reading! And forgive me again, this was my first hetalia fic... and first story in a long time...**


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